Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Basically, Bitch Bought A New Face

Ok, if you haven't heard yet, people are hollerin' that 20-year-old Bristol Palin has cut up her face and filled it with plastic things (melted Tupperware from the looks of it). Well, I guess she tried to make proud of the motto on the Palin family crest, and denied the whole thing at first; but now she has an excuse that would make Tori Spelling proud.

*In the 90's, Spelling got her first nose job when she was 16, claiming that she needed it to restore her sniffer after she was "attacked by a parrot". While I agree that parrots are hateful and scary creatures (don't wanna talk about it), something smells fishy.
(The combination of the words: "fishy", "Tori Spelling", and "Bristol Palin" is a total mood killer, btw).*

Anyway, Bristol told US Weekly that she had "Corrective Jaw Surgery", which happened to change the appearance of her face. Many have already compared this excuse to the "Deviated Septum" plea :::side eye to Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston:::

Here's a quote for you to roll your eyes at:

"It's not plastic surgery. I had corrective jaw surgery. Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical my jaw and teeth could properly realign...I don't obsess over my face. I am absolutely thrilled with the results. I look older, more mature and don't have as much of a chubby little baby face. I wouldn't get plastic surgery unless I got in an accident or something terrible and got disfigured."

I shouldn't judge, I mean it's all fun and games until you are confronted with the kind of asshole who actually expects you to believe their bullshit story about how "nasal issues" made the doc chop off their dipping beak, or how their freakish sternum made them buy booby sacks, etc. Just be honest or say you don't wanna fucking talk about it; don't shit in everybody's mouths and tell them it's a delicious sundae.